• dating tips

    The 6 Best Dating Tips for the Chronically Shy

    The dating world is tough for anyone looking for romance. It’s even worse for shy people who need extra dating tips to find love.

    Shyness and Dating

    Men and women who are shy both find dating particularly difficult. Asking someone to go out with you is hard enough when you’re outgoing!

    Shy people can become caught in a vicious circle. They meet a person and are too nervous to say anything about how they feel.

    So, they say nothing.

    As a result, they feel more down on themselves, and their confidence fades. The next time they meet a person, their anxiety only increases and they again say nothing.

    Or – they make an attempt but are so worried about how they look that the conversation fails.

    An outgoing person may just shrug and say, “oh well, on to the next person!” A shy person will probably hole up in a corner and be too hard on themselves.

    If you’re shy and feel overwhelmed with the thought of dating, fear not! Here are some tried and true tips to finding romance.

    1. Looking Good = Confidence

    One way to ease your nerves is to make sure you dress well. This doesn’t mean expensive clothes. You just have to feel put-together and good about yourself.

    If you feel that you look your best, you are more likely to feel confident. Any confidence you can muster is a good thing for a shy person on a date!

    Using your look is also a great way to create a conversation starter. Wear something unique that’s special to you.

    An example of conversation starters could be jewelry or a shirt with an interesting graphic or quote on it.

    2. Dip Your Toe In First…

    Many times people imagine dates in their head that are like Hollywood movies. It’s not surprising that they feel let down when a date doesn’t meet that expectation.

    If you’re shy, plan to “wade” into dating before jumping into the deep end.

    There are many events that can be fun dates without the pressure of a romantic dinner for two.

    A first date, in particular, should be a way to get to know each other without huge expectations looming over both of you.

    Find an activity that’s low stress and fun with lots of people around. An activity with “a lot going on” gives you plenty of material for conversations.

    Some examples are going bowling or attending a baseball game. Visit a museum, zoo or a local festival.

    3. Write Your “Headline”

    When creating an online profile or resume, we’re always told to create a strong headline. It’s that sentence that will hook in your reader, and get them to contact you.

    Shy people often struggle with making small talk with someone new. If you have your “headline” prepared and ready to go the conversation goes smoother.

    Think about the things you are most likely to be asked by your date. Where are you from? What do you do for a living? What do you like?

    Prepare yourself for these questions with statements that tell the other person who you really are. You won’t believe how confident you’ll feel by being ready to talk about yourself.

    An example of a great headline is “I work as a sous chef where I get to make people happy every day preparing amazing food.” Doesn’t that sound more confident and enticing then, “I’m a chef?”

    4. Do What You Like

    It’s always awkward getting to know a new person on a date. Find an activity to engage in that you have a passion for. It’s even better if they share your passion.

    Doing something you love with a new person helps them to learn more about who you are. And it eases your anxiety by being around positive energy.

    For example, if you love dogs, set up a date where you both go dog walking together (dogs, by the way, are another great way for shy people to meet romantic partners!)

    If you love cars, attend a car show together and show off your knowledge of the best wheels on the showroom floor.

    Enjoy art? Take your date to a museum or art gallery and share your knowledge.

    It’s always easier to build conversation over things we are familiar with and have a passion for. You don’t have to struggle to find things to say because you know, and love, your subject.

    5. Put the Focus on Your Date

    Listening and asking questions of the other person is an important part of any date.

    You want the other person to feel that you honestly want to get to know them more.

    Having good conversation starter questions helps you to be prepared. You can use the usual ones, or create some unusual ones as well.

    Questions like who is your favorite Pokemon may seem silly, but they have a purpose. They help break the ice and they help you to learn more about each other by how you answer.

    They also can help break the tension of a meeting where probably both of you are more nervous than you want to reveal!

    6. The Best Dating Tip: Relax. It’s Just a Date!

    When you’re incredibly nervous meeting new people, trying to relax seems almost impossible.

    But the truth is, what’s the worst that can happen? If at the end of the date, it’s clear there won’t be another, don’t beat yourself up over it.

    The anticipation over a date being a “success” can make your anxieties surge. They can overshadow the date before it’s even started.

    Take a deep breath and say to yourself, “It’s ok if this doesn’t work out.” As the old saying goes, there’s plenty of fish in the sea.

    Think of each date that you have as practice. This makes the end of a date a positive even if you know a romantic match isn’t going to happen.

    After all, you got through the date, you made conversation, and you lived to tell the tale. What’s more, be proud of the fact that you pushed past your shyness!

Claire Bahn


Claire Bahn is the CEO and Co-Founder of Online Profile Pros (OPP). She founded OPP to help individuals build, maintain and protect their personal brand to help them get the jobs, promotions and dates they desire. She has 15 years experience in branding, public relations and event marketing at start-ups as well as large Fortune 500 companies like Rueters and SAP. Claire has been featured in Forbes, Entrepreneur magazines among others. Online Profile Pros helps executives, entrepreneurs & influencers strategize and create their best personal brand.


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