Ghosting seems to be a new trend …but not so fun for the person that gets ghosted! We deal with thousands of clients monthly working to make their dating profiles shine and be truly alluring. Even after all this work, it seems that some people don’t have the decency to be upfront and be honest. They are happy ghosting their dates rather than be an adult and simply say they are not interested.
While being an adult is not always easy the internet has made it too easy for people to hide and IMHO made many people forget their manners. Call me old-fashioned but dealing with your adult relationships is a part of “adulting”. We need to be respectful and acknowledge the other person’s feelings.
If you’ve gone on a few dates but you know it’s not working for you then be honest and just tell the other person that it’s not going to work out. You don’t need to draw it out or give a long explanation. Just tell them face-to-face or even over the phone (not a text) rather than ghosting them and leave them hanging. As my mother would have said, “how would you feel if it was done to you?”
Ghosting seems to be a new trend …but not so fun for the person that gets ghosted!
I know it’s hard to put yourself out there into the dating world and take a chance. And then, just when you work up the courage to date, you get ghosted! You are not alone. Sadly, ghosting has almost become a new normal.
According to an article from The Washington Post, tells us that more than 30% of people have ghosted another individual that is either a romantic partner or a friend. It’s no fun to be on the receiving end of the ghosting but it happens to a lot of people.
So, what do you do about it? We’ve got some simple tips to walk you through exactly what you do if you get ghosted by a date.
Table of Content
- Give Them a Chance to Explain
- Accept Apologies
- Reality Check
- Be Sad for a Minute
- Keep Moving Forward
You need to first come to terms with the fact that people are ghosted regularly. This does not excuse it but it should help you understand you aren’t alone at least. There are a lot of reasons that people might ghost others, sometimes there are legitimate reasons behind the action.
We wanted to cover why people ghost just to give you an idea before we lead into the things that you can do when you are ghosted.
Here are the most common reasons for ghosting.
- Avoid conflict
- Afraid of the unknown
- Because they can
- Letting go
You can be ghosted in activities besides just dating as well. Friends, co-workers, employees, dates, and more all ghost people. This activity is not just happening in the dating world.
Fear, letting go, and even avoiding conflict can all seem like a logical approach. Although why would you ghost when you can send a text and then not ghost? Sometimes, it’s just that person’s way of coping.
All too often, ghosting happens simply because the person can, though. There are typically no consequences for ghosting another individual, like a date, so they just do. Whether they chose to do something else or simply chickened out, people get away with ghosting far too often.
Before you just get angry for being ghosted, consider that there could be a logical explanation. Keep all of this in mind as you take a look at these tips for what to do if you were ghosted by a date.
Sometimes the signs are right in front of our face, but we fail to see them or acknowledge them until we get ghosted. Take a look at some of these signs and be truthful when you consider them.
Have you been noticing your date pulling back or not following through regularly? Is ghosting your normal behavior for them? Unfortunately, some introverts tend to pull back from the world and go through spurts of socialization. Consider whether that may be the case.
However, if you have been talking to someone who almost always responds well and suddenly, they aren’t, you’re probably being ghosted.
Consider whether things have been changing lately. Have you been arguing or being abrupt with each other? Is there a chance that last time you spoke, something unkind was said and it was left at that?
People get away with ghosting far too often!!
These changes and scenarios can often lead to ghosting because the person on the other end simply decides to pull away.
From another perspective, maybe things were moving along quickly and getting serious fast. This happens a lot when one person says something like “I love you”. It’s a reaction of fear or maybe just not feeling the same way and sometimes rather than having a conversation, you get ghosted instead.
Life happens to all of us and sometimes it is simply the occurrences of life that lead to ghosting. Have there been changes in life recently like maybe a move or a new job? Maybe that individual had a loss of someone close to them or perhaps experienced some other traumatic event.
In these cases, it’s not your fault but what is going on in their life might just be all that they can handle at the time, so you end up ghosted. If you know something is going on or has happened, just be supportive of their circumstance. It might all work out or it might be time to go your separate ways.
In the end, they will remember whether you were mad and angry when they were just struggling or whether you let them have the time they needed to cope. It still may end up with you being ghosted but it won’t be because you drove them away.
We get it, your feelings are probably hurt. You might be feeling humiliated and embarrassed that you were ghosted. Keep in mind that there might be a logical explanation. Give your date one chance. Unless they have ghosted you repeatedly or shown signs of being unreliable, give them a chance to explain.
Reach out to your date one time. You don’t want to harass them demanding an explanation but make contact just once and ask what happened. You might just find out that there was a family emergency or something awful happened that caused the ghosting incident. You might also find out that they truly just ghosted you but at least you will know.
We recommend sending a text or a message that just says something like “Is everything alright?” or maybe even “are you on your way for our date?”. Before you assume, they were just being a jerk, give them a single chance to pull through or explain if something did come up.
This is the chance for you to find out the truth or perhaps get some closure on the situation as well. Take the first step before you just get angry.
An apology can be a powerful tool when it is done correctly. Proper apologies show real remorse for wrong actions and an effort to improve. There is a fine line between accepting an apology and allowing someone to take advantage of you so just be mindful here.
When a person makes a mistake and they are truly remorseful, it’s ok for us to accept that apology and not hold a grudge. Accepting an apology doesn’t disregard our hurt feelings, instead, it acknowledges that wrong was done but that we’re willing to forgive and move forward.
Now, if you are accepting an apology for the same thing over and over and over again, then that is an indication that the person committing the wrong is really not sorry for their actions. That individual is taking advantage of your willingness to forgive and it might be time for you to stand up against the cycle.
When you are ghosted, give your date a couple of days to explain themselves and apologize sincerely. Of course, this is assuming that the same date has not already ghosted you multiple times. Most dates know proper etiquette or at least how to send a text or communicate in some way.
If your date truly is sorry for having ghosted you, you will see a clear change in actions, and this won’t be a repetitive event that you have to fight over and over. What you require of the apology for your ghosted date to make amends is entirely up to you. We wouldn’t get too crazy with your demands though!
At this point in the game, when you get ghosted, it might be time to give yourself a reality check. Whether you are male or female is irrelevant here, there may have been signs along the way that you simply ignored or avoided.
When you get ghosted, this is the perfect opportunity to look at the big picture. Were you dating out of convenience? Were things really going well or were you just staying together to avoid being alone? Were you ghosted because that was the easy way out? “Were you really meant to be together?
This list of questions could probably go on and on but you get the picture. People ghost for a number of reasons. Sometimes, it’s their way of avoiding the drama of a breakup, and other times, it’s because they just weren’t sure how to handle the situation. Of course, there are times people ghost because they simply don’t care about how you feel in the situation.
Don’t beat yourself up if you were ghosted. It could be a sign that this simply wasn’t mean to be. Take a look back at the activity and conversations and see if you can pinpoint a change in behavior or perhaps even your own actions that potentially drove a person away.
We are not saying that you were ghosted because of something you did wrong. We simply are saying be honest about the situation and what may have been happening before your eyes the entire time.
Take an inward look at yourself to find out if you can improve in any way and be prepared to simply work on doing better. On the same note, try to avoid those people who are simply unreliable or perhaps using you for all of the wrong reasons.
It’s ok to let go of a situation when it isn’t right for you in the long term. If you were ghosted, allow yourself a bit of a reality check. Look at the big picture. You might just find that being ghosted was really a blessing in disguise.
Now, this part of the process is very important. It’s ok to mourn for that ghosted date or lost relationship that you thought was promising. It’s ok to be sad and hurt. Take a short bit of time for yourself. Feel the sadness and be sad, give yourself time to be sad, just like you would for any other loss.
Don’t beat yourself up and try to figure out what is wrong with you. This won’t get you anywhere. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you and there is someone out there who will love you for you.
At the same time, you have to allow yourself the opportunity to grieve and get over it. Take the time, grieve a little, and then shake it off and move on. Don’t spend months grieving your loss. Throw a funeral, have a pity party, order that pizza, and eat a whole tub of ice cream!
Cry a little bit, let your feelings have that bit of coddling and then it’s time to let it go.
Finally, at some point, you have to move on. You can’t let the fact that you were ghosted hold you down forever. Once you work out the feelings of grief and hurt, you need to move on. Don’t sit basking in your grief for months on end, that will get you nowhere but sad.
Stand up tall, roll your shoulders back, and move on with life. You deserve so much better than being ghosted. We know it hurt and getting back out there can be scary but it’s what must be done. There are plenty of online dating sites and dating services that can help you move forward, and maybe find the right person even more efficiently.
Be confident in who you are and what you have to offer. Sometimes, confidence is the best thing that you can possibly do for yourself. You’ve had the chance to come to terms with the situation, you’ve looked at reality and grieved, now let it go.
Don’t let your heart become weary and hard. Forgive the hurt that was committed, remind yourself you are worth so much more and keep moving forward. You are worth it!
We certainly wouldn’t wish for anyone to be ghosted for any reason. Sadly, it is becoming more and more popular. What we’ve found is that you being ghosted often has more to do with the other person than it has to do with you.
If you’ve been ghosted, go through the process for yourself and then remind yourself that you are awesome and doing the best you can. Take the loss and move on from there.
About the Author
Claire Bahn has over 15 years of working as a personal branding expert helping clients build authority and influence through their online profiles and social media accounts.
Her background includes branding, public relations, Social Media, and marketing, as well as, entrepreneurship. She has a passion to help executives, entrepreneurs, and influencers strategize and create their best personal brand.
She is currently the CEO and Co-founder of Online Profile Pros and Stratus Branding. Ms. Bahn recognizes that first impressions are made online and the fastest way to achieving your goals is by taking command of your personal brand through your online profiles and social media. She started Online Profile Pros and Stratus Branding to help individuals create, maintain and protect their personal brands so that they achieve the authority, influence, and trust they need to succeed at online dating or their job search.
She’s been featured in numerous publications and news outlets including Forbes and Entrepreneur magazines, as well as, many other publications and podcasts.
Ms. Bahn is a former model and actress, appearing in national ad campaigns for major retailers. An avid fashion/lifestyle blogger she’s a recognized influencer. Ms. Bahn holds a BA from the University of Texas at Austin and currently lives in the Hollywood Hills in Los Angeles, CA with her 2 red miniature pinchers, Beau and Trixie.